Hi, my name is Laurie McGill and I am a perpetual student of life and love. Born in November 1969 in the state of Massachusetts to an eighteen year old mother and a twenty year old father, I am the eldest of four.
My suffering began at the age of 12 when my parents had a very difficult (and for me, traumatic) split. At the time, I lived in a small town and it seemed that everybody knew our business. I felt shame that my father left us. I felt shame that my mother was an emotional mess. I felt totally alone and neglected in all of my pain and sorrow. The person I’d known myself to be prior to the split was destroyed. My identity was basically trashed. My parents didn’t know. They had no idea what the impact of their divorce was, but it led to me drinking, trying drugs, having sex, and basically not giving a shit about life, at all. I learned to cope with my pain through distractions and escape and as I grew into a young woman, I made so many choices that perpetuated the pain I’d never learned to properly cope with.
Now, in my late 40’s, I’ve only just begun to understand my own patterns of self-destruction. In 2011, when I was unhappily married to my third husband, I started fantasizing about a place that I could go for total anonymity to discuss the problems I was facing in my marriage. I was struggling so much in not knowing how to deal with my husband’s self-destructive behavior, that I could not get comfortable in my own skin. It was like torture.
Seeing a therapist is always an option however, in my second marriage I’d sought out a psychiatrist. I explained to her the inner rage I was feeling, and as I let it out, I heard myself saying things I didn’t know I needed to say. I wept. She wanted to help but basically told me that I needed to take drugs to calm down and figure out my best course of action. I refused prescription treatments, and shortly thereafter divorced my second husband only to enter a third ill-made marriage.
During the time of blatant failure in my third marriage, I was taking classes at Mesa Community College and was enrolled in a public speaking class. The professor required us to create a presentation to “sell” something so I created a power point model of Purgatory Express. The idea was that of a physical “talk shop”; a place where you could go to talk in confidence about what you’re feeling, what you think, and what it all means. I tried to convince my classmates to buy gift certificates for all the people they know who desperately want to be heard. I could see the possibility for selling packages of talk visits to employers who have employees that like to talk too much. A cure for low productivity! I have not created the physical talk shop yet, but I know that all people, every where, face pain and suffering and need to be heard. I still find that I have that need today; I sense that need in others all the time.
Sometimes, if we can just sit in a quiet space long enough, we can work through our own stuff and figure out what’s really ailing us. Writing in a journal helps, talking to friends helps (if they can be really objective and non-judgmental), and taking long drives by yourself also helps. But often, life doesn’t permit for that type of soul-searching open space.
Sometimes, we have to find someone who holds the container of space for us to work in. I’m here to be that container for anyone who needs it. If you need an objective third party to work with, I’m here for you. I will let you speak your mind, or sit quietly in meditation, or work through a yoga practice that helps you to get centered and clear. My intuitive abilities allow me to meet you where you are and work with you to find the energy you can feel peace in. That peace is in all of us, sometimes it just takes someone else to hold up a mirror so we can see it.