I’ve been itching to write. The blogs form themselves in my mind long before they ever hit a keyboard and as they do hit the keyboard, they shift ever so curiously. My normal time to write is in the wee hours of the morning, when I wake. I love mornings, but lately they’ve been consumed. There was a blog I thought of writing called Consumed. Instead, it’s “been itching.”
I have had a bothersome little rash since like day 3 in Arizona – nearly a week, now. It’s super itchy. It looks like heat rash. The image above is not of me, but looks how I feel. I have it on my back, my chest, my hips, and upper thighs.
The amazing Pema Chodron talks about “itching” in her audio book Getting Unstuck. Goodness, I love her. She says that we all have scabies. Well, she says that it’s as if we all have scabies. We’re all real uncomfortable with the conditions of existence. That’s the scabies. I believe scabies is a metaphor. The remedy for this problem of itching (according to the lineage of my favorite teacher, Pema) is to not itch. Itching could be itching, literally. It could also metaphorically mean going shopping, eating chocolate, impulsively joining a new club, or doing anything at all that distracts you from your discomfort (eases your suffering).
I’ve been in so much bliss lately, that I overcompensate with worry. When I agreed to reconcile with Bryan, I didn’t know he’d be moving to Denver in a month and turning my world around. We started talking openly and honestly with each other at the end of March, he moved in with my roommate and I on May 1st. It’s been amazing, dreamy, wonderful, ridiculous, and wow… just so much love. I still feel like I’m holding my breath waiting to wake up from this crazy wonderful dream. He’s going to Shambhala with me, attending yoga classes, reading sacred texts, discussing ego, and basically being the mate I had given up on ever finding. Sure, eventually he’ll probably want to go to a Slayer concert again. Eventually, we’re all going to die; so I’m going with the love part of this (shout-outs to two women who truly inspire me- love you both). I am incredibly grateful for Bryan in my life. I am also incredibly challenged. Trying to find the balance between work and studying and having a partner and finding relaxation is a tough job. I’m dedicated. I’m in this as a dedicated student who wants to adhere to the curriculum (thank you, Ram Dass, for teaching me that life is the curriculum). I want to enjoy every moment and do the things I love… and whew, how do we balance it all?
I wish I had more time to write about how wonderful it was to see my family again and to have the honor of visiting my friends Kathy, Danielle, Janet, JoAnn, Alyce, and Tammy again. The trip to AZ happened fast and furiously and I wish I could do it all again and spend twice as much time with each of the people I was able to see while I was there!