It’s the 12th of March.
The day before my son was born 28 years ago, in 1990. I’m grateful I conceived. Grateful I gave birth. Grateful that I was robbed of my motherhood (no blame – I could say I robbed myself by making the choices I did – and I’m grateful for this because it helped me to understand the story of God giving up his only begotten son in an extreme, new way). Grateful that early-20’s Laurie didn’t let Bruce buy her out of her motherhood as he proposed to do. Grateful, especially today, that my son is alive and well.
Yesterday, I found out that one of our 80-something Grandmas lost her daughter to disease. Her daughter was a bit older than me and I’d met her. In fact, she’s the same lady who told me about the Mile-Hi Church where I was headed with Rick the night I met Mark. She’s the one who told me about how beautiful and touching that service was, she’s the one who inspired me to trek out. I remember how delighted I was to meet Jan. I really liked her, so truly; she was real and down to Earth and yet her eyes shined with the light of love when she told me about that candle light service. I could see her servant’s heart in the way she interacted with all the people I work around. Now, she’s gone. Dead. Just a few short months deteriorated and exhausted her health.
When I got to work yesterday, my general manager told me that we would have to hold a prayer circle at 2pm. I didn’t have to call for it, or offer it. All I had to do was facilitate. Not only had Jan passed, but two of our biggest helpers were knocked out. One had hurt her leg. The other’s husband had a heart attack. On top of this, another grandma had fallen and smashed her face. The palate part of her mouth broke in three places. A fundamental Christian might see this as the attack of the enemy devised to take down God’s chosen people. I see it as part of the roller-coaster we call life. It’ll happen to me. I’ll die. I’ll get hurt. If I fall in love with another potential lover, he will likely get ill and possibly have a heart attack. These happenings aren’t specific to those who are evil, bad people. They happen to all people; good, bad, ugly, beautiful and indifferent. When we held hands in the circle yesterday, the air was hot. The energy was sordid, but I felt the earnestness of each beautiful heart there. I called us together as a circle of healing energy and advised that we all focus on healing ourselves – to allow that space inside of us for healing and love to blossom. I didn’t pray in Jesus’ name. I want my prayers to be all-inclusive. I pray in the spirit of love, kindness, and compassion and would invite all walks of life to join – Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu – all religions hold wisdom and truth about how humans are supposed to love and uplift each other. It’s the best I can do.
I’m so grateful for the spiritual connectivity; the coming together of souls to be in agreement about good things for this planet and its people. Blessed!!! Yes, healing. Yes, acceptance. Yes, peace. Yes, forgiveness. Yes, love. Yes, gratitude for the whole journey. I didn’t cry during the prayer service. I cried earlier on when I heard about our dear tiny grandma falling and getting hurt. I’m crying now as I share this human truth. There’s nothing that separates me from the pain of the world; and I am ok with it. I am grateful I can feel, that I am here; being. Grateful I can boldly cry when my heart hurts. My only desire is to grow deeper in understanding about how to truly comfort those who are hurt and in need.
Meanwhile, I took in a new roommate. I found a car I wanted but knew I couldn’t afford it if I have to pay this rent alone; so I advertised on Craigslist and petitioned for someone who was in need of a warm safe place to crash on a temporary basis. I got tons of messages but only met one. His name is Shawn and he’s totally awesome. He’s not bossing me; I’m not bossing him. He gave me half the rent to use towards the purchase of the car; came with me to do the transaction, in fact. He drove me to the dealership and we got to know each other quietly as we waited. We give each other space and have no expectations set upon each other. I have a lovely 2008 Subaru Outback that I can now use in serving others – that I can use to go teach yoga in as many places as the Universe will allow. The key fob doesn’t work and the hatchback seems to be losing its hydraulic capability of holding itself up while I load the trunk. Otherwise, it’s a sweet ride and I’m glad I found it.
I don’t know what’s coming next. Anything can happen on a Monday. I am grateful for it all, even before it arrives. I am grateful for the prayer warriors who believe in more than what the eye can see. I am grateful for those who know that silent understanding is better than tortured ridicule. I am grateful for those who speak up and request prayer, love, and attention for others who are hurting or in need. I am grateful for those who make me cringe with their words of hatred and judgement because they help me to see the true value of love, kindness, and compassion. Man, I am so grateful for this Earth and the beauty of walking upon it with all my brethren.