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It was a long day.

Lots of chaos at work. I hit a point of overwhelm and needed to go find an empty room to hide in for 20 minutes to just breath without interruption, but it didn’t happen and the new girl had to ask me if she’d stepped on my toes or something. I had to explain I was just plain overwhelmed and that I thought she was awesome, that she had nothing to do with the frustrated energy she could feel coming out of me.

I learned today that one of my co-workers had a mother who committed suicide. Her three siblings blame her. She was the one to find her mother’s hanging body. She told me all of this because I’m the same age  her mom would be if she was still alive. I wanted to hold her in my arms and weep with her, for her, and for her mother’s life. I didn’t get to. I told her I was sorry and that I knew her pain because my father blamed me for the suicide of my step mother and that that must be some serious shit she’s still trying to deal with. I hope we create a strong bond and she one day does yoga with me and sits with me in meditation.

It must have been about 7:30 when I left work tonight. I was off earlier than that but I spent an hour with my most needy elder, who reminds me of me. I hung out with him in his room and pushed him to play trumpet for me. He did. He’s marvelous, even at 91. I asked him to tell me about all the pictures he has in his room. I  stood on his chair and tried to fix a light fixture for him because it was blinking on and off annoyingly. I wasn’t able to fix it. He didn’t want me to go but I explained that I really had to catch the bus home. He’s really stuck in a mind loop of fear about his heater not working, even though it works so well that his room was 84 degrees while I was there. He says it turns off at 2am every morning and he freezes. He’s not connected to reality there. His heater does not turn off and his room never falls below the temperature he’s got it set at. I try to connect him to reality. It’s hard work that requires much patience, but he’s worth it. I’m worth it.

So, I walked home and was listening to Our Pristine Mind on my headphones. I wanted to stop at Safeway for some eggs and other edible items. As I approached the parking lot of Safeway, I saw the Pizza Hut sign. Then, in front of the Pizza Hut, my eyes spied a man yelling at someone in a car. He was standing outside the driver’s side door and he was physically pushing or shaking or doing something to someone in the car. I couldn’t see clearly. I approached, cautiously. I saw that his truck was parked, but still running with the driver’s side door wide open. I saw on the other side of that truck there were a couple of women just watching, in terror. I realized the need for action. I approached his truck which was about 15 feet from her car and yelled out, “Hey, man, mind if I borrow your truck?” He looked back and yelled, “NO” and left the woman, the onlookers, and me behind in a flash as he jumped in and sped off. I approached the women who were bystanders and asked if they wanted to check on the girl in the car with me to make sure she was ok. The woman was already beginning to pull out of her spot as we approached but she stopped and rolled down her window and tearfully told us she was okay. We let her go, but the gal next to me yelled out, “I’ll be praying for you!” as she drove away.

I was really ready to get in that man’s truck and drive away to distract him. I was not shaken up, but I was actually ready to kick some ass.

As I moved through the grocery store, my boss texted and apologized for not being able to give me a ride home (I asked if he would after I realized the bus wouldn’t come for another 35 minutes). I told him that it was fateful he hadn’t and I was glad I had the opportunity to interfere and stop the physical abuse of a sister. He said, “Damn Supergirl… the only thing missing from you is the cape!!”

My response: “Lol. I wish I had the super power that allows me to pick an abusive man up by the ankles and swing him around like a toy. Mother Fucker.”

I think I better spend a good hour in meditation tonight. Cheers!

2 comments

  1. no one should feel responsible for someones suicide.. thats just wrong.. im sure if we could ask the person who died what they thought they would not blame anyone.. well besides they are in a place of non judgment.. The same experience can happen to two people and there are two totally different reactions.. i hope you never blame yourself or that co worker..ever blames themselves.. WE can only be responsible for our own reactions no one elses.
    I do think that she should forgive her mom and forgive herself .. WE all make mistakes but you know thats just part of life.. and we all live on in spirit so no one really dies..

    Like

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