Enlightened

Occasionally, my dad will send out an email blast about something he watched to the family to let us know that he recommends it.

I got this email yesterday:

“I began watching this on Amazon Prime yesterday and was surprised at how much she (Amy Jellicoe in the series) reminds me of Laurie.” https://www.hbo.com/enlightened

I smiled when I got the email and thought I might check it out later, but later I was busy procuring a bed for myself (it’s pretty comfy, yay!) and then, I was shopping at a thrift store to get a little bed side table and a lamp. Dad called while I was admiring a covered dish that I’ve picked up and held more than once upon visiting that store on a number of occasions. It happened to be marked at half-price last night and as I distracted, dad expounded on his amazement over how much this story matches my life. I joked about someone stealing my story. Then, tonight, I watched five episodes. Total binge. It’s not my life, and never did I get as crazy as … oh wait. Ya, I did get that crazy. Nuts, in fact. And boy, can I relate to this character, her many dilemmas, and her over-the-top flaws. Anyway, Dad was pretty spot on so I wrote him and said the following:

“I just binge watched five episodes. Wept on the last one where she decided to be the mother she always wanted to have.
Oh my God.
How beautiful.
Thanks, Dad.
I love you.”
By the way, I totally fell out of love this morning. The moment I got to work, I took a call from someone whose catheter leaked, he wanted one of the housekeepers to come up and change his sheets so that he could rest more. The housekeepers were not there, yet. So, the maintenance man and I worked it like a team and took care of the fella’s bed but the smell and the mess in his living rooms was enough to turn me sour, sick, and sad. And the mouth on the maintenance guy is endless. I had to ask him to shut it to allow me some quiet. His incessant mindless blabber made me want to pull my hair out.
Later, in the dining room as I did a coffee pour at breakfast, a table of four grandmothers pointed out to me that one of the servers was completely inappropriately dressed. She was wearing a spaghetti strap tank that fit really tightly. I wanted to tell the unhappy table of ladies that they were lucky the girl showed up to serve them breakfast. Our turn over with servers and housekeepers is absolutely outrageous, the worst I have ever seen. Honestly, if the health department showed up, we probably could have been fined for this 18 year-old-server’s outfit. Uncertain about what to do, I went to tell the chef about the complaint. Technically, he’s her boss. He told me to get her out of the dining room and take over her spot. I went to my boss and told him what chef told me to do. My boss told me he wasn’t a fan of the Chef’s decision making and that I should do something different. The conflict made me want to explode.  I did my own thing and asked the girl to put my sweater on. She got irate and left the kitchen in a fit of fury. The assistant manager took over her tables.
After breakfast, my mood was in poor shape. It turned to complete shit when one of our residents proceeded to tell me how things needed to change – I held the space for her disappointment just a few minutes too long and had a couple of hours after that of feeling like I wanted to walk away from the job completely. I literally could see this morning that my inner conflict creates conflict around me. My sour mood ended up effecting others. That’s when I want to disappear, it’s a trigger for me to run. But I stuck it out. I made it through. It feels like I have begun the process of losing favor with the residents, the boss, the chef, and the servers because I let the conflict dim my hospitable nature and my ugly showed through. These are the politics of holding a position, and I absolutely hate politics. You can’t please them all so, you …. binge watch HBO programming at night.
Tomorrow, I’m going to remember to be the kind of mother I want everyone to have. Again, my peace matters. So does yours.
I love you, good night.

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