I’m sitting on this cushion in front of the pantry in the kitchen of my friend’s house. It’s cozy, i have a loving pet warming my right side with his proximity. I have tremendous peace and ease of being. It may be because I’m in a Safe neighborhood, in a finely appointed home. I had the great pleasure of using a fancy espresso machine to brew my java this morning and I steamed my milk with a finesse i didn’t know i possessed until i moved to Colorado. I’m joyful that all has fallen into place for me to start what i believe is my forever job: looking after the safety and well being of a residential home for elders. Or, as my dear friend Matt says, “ministering to them.” I get to work with a team i find awesome right up front. They do what they do because they love people. Ya, i busted my way into nirvana, or so it seems as i sit on this cozy cushion with a warm tummy full of stress-relieving tea.
The most healing thing for me right now is sitting here listening to Our Pristine Mind, an audio book i found on Audible. It’s uh…. It’s like a bottle full of warm milk for this infant. I am drinking in the nourishment and feeling the pure goodness of it; feeling so well cared for by myself, finally.
I’ve been bearing witness to people’s anger, fear, senses of injustice, and sheer self-abuse lately at the complex I’m temping in. I am in awe, still, at how hard people push themselves and others. I’m no stranger to it, myself. Yet when i see it so clearly as self destruction in others, I’m in awe that i can’t see it when I’m engaged in it myself. Last Tuesday at the center i began the five week course called “contentment in every day living.” i did this course in phoenix in 2012 or 13 with Muffie and Chris. I loved it then. I love it even more now. We broke into groups of 3 and had to take turns listening and speaking to each other about how we are aggressive with our selves and how we are gentle. I was stricken by the realization that peace comes in the center of where two polar opposites stand. With Aggressive being opposite of gentle, i feel most comfortable in the center. Balance. I can balance so easily on my own, in my own space. But i can’t really tell you what i do to myself that is aggressive. Maybe dating younger men is a harsh thing to do to myself. Maybe dating at all is a harsh thing to put myself through. I am equating self-aggression with harshness. If you listen to Our Pristine Mind, you might say that keeping yourself in ordinary mind is an aggressive thing to do to yourself. Watching a violent movie. Forcing myself to sell my car because i can’t afford the insurance: gentle or aggressive? I see there are no absolutes, but that everything we see is a reflection of our own minds. You can’t change the world, but you can change the way you think about it and then see that change reflected back to you. How brilliant, how amazing, how grateful i am for this thing we call life. Ommmm.